I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
