I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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