i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I faked an abortion last night.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize