did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
