New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
