Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
