you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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