I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
