I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
