also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
