I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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