Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You pole danced in your parka.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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