Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize