I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
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First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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