I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
