I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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