I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
