You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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