she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dignity is for republicans.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
