So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
