This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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