the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
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you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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