I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
