i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
