Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
