I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
