She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
