Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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