Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
