I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
