I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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