I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
