It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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