You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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