My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He better not be in your backpack
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize