first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
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I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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