I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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