Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
