so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
love makes seman taste better
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
