i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
