I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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