Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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