I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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