Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
