yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize