No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
