I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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