Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
