We're facebook friends in real life
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
