That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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