Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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