he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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