I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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