There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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