He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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