you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
