we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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