it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
