I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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