Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
