im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
