Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
