Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
