he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
