Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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