Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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