i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
