Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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