BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
